In todays post I wanted to focus on a topic that's very close to me and a lot of my clients - boundaries. They are the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships and life in general. When I first started coaching I was drawn to this subject immediately, it was probably because I realised that I didn't have healthy boundaries set for myself and in my relationships. Up until then, I didn't grasp the importance of boundary setting and how it can enhance your connection with your partner and friends. Thankfully, by working with a fellow coach I established boundaries for myself and for my relationships. Todays post will focus on setting boundaries and on how to navigate those occasional boundary violations with grace and assertiveness. So, grab a cup of tea and let's embark on this empowering journey together!
1. Understanding the Magic of Boundaries
Setting boundaries is like creating a magical force field around yourself, protecting your emotional well-being and preserving your sense of self. It's about defining what is acceptable and what is not, and communicating those limits to your partner. Remember, boundaries are not about building walls; they're about fostering healthier and more authentic connections. As an example, let's consider setting a sexual boundary with your partner (boundaries can be sexual, physical, emotional, mental, financial, spiritual etc) . What I mean by that is that if there are things that are 'no-gos' for you in your sex life, it is very important to state and discuss those at the very beginning. It may be as small as you don't like doing certain things or having something done to you. If you stay silent about it, the likelihood is that it will pout strain on your relationship and be a cause for arguments.
2. The Beauty of Setting Personal Boundaries
Personal boundaries are the invisible fences that define who you are, what you value, and what you need in a relationship. They allow you to honour your own desires, dreams, and limits. If you do not currently have your personal boundaries set, take the time to reflect on your values, priorities, and non-negotiables (things that no matter what happens, you will not change your mind about). When you know yourself, you can communicate your needs with confidence and clarity. I find this especially important for people who are currently looking for a romantic partner. If you are looking without boundaries you are likely to encounter all kinds of characters and behaviours - if you know exactly what you absolutely want the other person to value and prioritise, as well as when you know what your non-negotiables are in a potential new partner - it will be much easier to swipe left or right (if Tinder is your thing).
3. Nurturing Emotional Boundaries
Emotional boundaries are the guardians of your emotional well-being. They help you maintain a healthy balance between giving and receiving, and they protect you from emotional exhaustion or manipulation. To help nurture your boundaries it's especially important to practice self-care, engage in activities that bring you joy, and surround yourself with positive influences. By nurturing your emotional boundaries, you'll create a solid foundation for a thriving relationship.
4. The Superpower of Communication
We already agreed that boundaries are the superheroes of healthy relationships but it only works if you express your needs, wants, and limits in a clear and respectful manner. It is ok to be assertive about it. Remember, assertiveness is not about being aggressive or confrontational; it's about standing up for yourself while respecting the rights and boundaries of others. Practice assertive communication by using "I" statements and expressing your feelings and needs with kindness and clarity.
5. Handling Boundary Violations with Grace
Even in the most loving relationships, boundary violations can occur. When it happens, it is important to address these situations with grace and assertiveness. Start by acknowledging your feelings and validating your experience. Yet again, remember to use 'I' statements such as 'I felt...' , 'I understood it as...' and avoid 'You made me feel...' as that immediately puts the blame on the other person. It is important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner, expressing how their actions have affected you and what you need moving forward. Remember, healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, understanding and open communication.
In a nutshell, setting boundaries in relationships is an act of self-love and empowerment. It allows you to honour your own needs while fostering a deeper connection with your partner. Embrace the power of boundary setting, nurture your personal and emotional boundaries, and communicate assertively to create a relationship filled with love, respect, and understanding. Remember, you deserve to be in a relationship where your boundaries are valued and cherished. (Don't forget that your partner has boundaries too and they must be acknowledged all the same!)
Hope you enjoyed this read,
With love,
Mags x